This World is not My Home
I have to admit, I have this habit of always covering up when I'm going through hard times. Before I got sick, I always put up walls around me, worried that I would get hurt or someone would just disregard what I was going through, but now I'm working on letting down my walls and letting people in. I'm not the type to normally post what I am going through on Facebook, I just like staying positive and hate bringing people down.
I'm going to open up here and tell you that I am actually afraid of what my body is going through and I don't know some days if I'm going to wake up the next morning, I go to bed trusting in God to get me through. Some days I have wonderful days and other days I have weird symptoms that scare me to death and all I can do is pray for God to keep me safe under his almighty wings. Even though I trust in God fully with my life, it's human nature to be afraid of the unknown and I cry to God more times than I can count. I don't really want to face death or leave my husband and family, especially at such a young age. I feel like there is so much left in my future and people that I can be a light to, and I don't want to go yet. These are thoughts that run through my head on a weekly basis.
My physical body isn't quite ready to go, but my soul is so weary of this earth. I hate so much about this earth- the selfishness, the greed, the lack of compassion for others, the pain, people who are suffering, poor and homeless- it makes me feel like God has to be coming back soon to get his children. It breaks my heart and I can't wait for the day when I get to Heaven and it will be pure peace, love, no suffering, no pain, no stress, no hate and no more worries. I don't know about you, but I can't wait for that day!
I'm praying and believing for complete healing, but I also accept God's will in whatever he decides is best for my life. Even if it breaks my heart into million little pieces; it's more important to me that God does what is in His plan. This life here & material things aren't important to me, it's eternity that I'm focused on; this world is not my home. All I care about is my home above and getting as many souls as I can with me when I walk through those heavenly gates. That alone will be worth all of the pain and suffering!!
I saw a picture on Pinterest of a woman running into Jesus's arms and oh, how beautiful it was! Don't you know that Jesus is waiting on us to make it home? He gave his very life so that ours could be saved- I beg you, please don't miss out and break his heart. This earth is not worth the price. I plan on being there, will you?
I fully give my life over to God, I give him my all to do whatever he believes is best. Less of me Jesus, more of you.